Holiday Round-up, Continued

Trying to keep up with the deluge of interfaith family-related stories during the holiday season:

The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles has a fun story about "MeshugaNutcracker: A New Chanukah Musical!"

The Canadian Jewish News has a fine story on our Third Annual December Holidays Survey.

The News and Observer (N.C.) has an article about the Jewish couple that started the greeting card company for interfaith families, Mixed Blessings.

The Patriot-Ledger (Mass.) has a story on Jewish Holidays: A Brief Introduction for Christians, a new book by Rabbi Kerry Olitzky and Rabbi Daniel Judson.

The Hickory Daily Record (N.C.) has a story about a woman from an interfaith family who grew up celebrating Christmas and Hanukkah and is now married to a Jewish man. They celebrate Hanukkah with their kids, but give Christmas gifts to each other on the last night of Hanukkah.

The News-Journal (Delaware) has an article about an interfaith family raising their kids Jewish who do Hanukkah at home and Christmas at the in-laws.

The Times-Dispatch (Richmond, Va.) had three stories about how different interfaith couples are balancing Hanukkah and Christmas.

The Jewish Week (New York, N.Y.) has a sidebar on a Christmas-Hanukkah musical revue that features a song--"Angelo Rosenbaum"--about a Jewish man from an interfaith family whose Jewish girlfriend wants him to give up the Christmas tree and his Christian girlfriend wants him to dump the menorah. "That Time of the Year" runs through Dec. 25.

Yourhub.com, a user-generated site, has a fine column from a non-Jewish woman married to a Jewish man who asks the four questions of Hanukkah:
1) Do Jews have Hanukkah decorations?
2) What kinds of gifts are given each night?
3) How do you spell Hanukkah?
4) What do you tell Jewish children about Santa?

Elana King-Perkins, coordinator of the Interfaith Family Resource Center at Boston's Jewish Family & Children's Service, has a helpful set of holiday tips for interfaith families in the Malden Observer (Mass.).

The Detroit News has an article about how interfaith couples celebrate the holidays and how a few Detroit-area synagogues welcome interfaith families.

The Daily-Record (Wooster, Ohio) has an article about the origins of Hanukkah and the irony that some interfaith families blend Hanukkah and Christmas, given that Hanukkah's origins come from rebels who were fighting assimilation.

The Bluefield Daily Telegraph (W.V.) has an article about how Hanukkah has become so commercialized. It's similar in content, if not tone, to this article from the Chronicle-Dispatch (Ohio).

The December Holidays Survey in the News

For the first time in the three-year history of doing our December holidays survey, JTA has done an entire story about the survey! Frankly, I can't say enough about what a terrific piece of reporting Sue Fishkoff did. It presents the survey results in a balanced, nuanced, contextual light, and is clear about the survey's limits and its strengths. Fishkoff was also careful to make clear that we don't encourage interfaith families to have Christmas trees, but we do say that the simple existence of a Christmas tree in a house does not prevent children from being raised Jewish.

In addition to Julie Wiener's discussion of the survey in her column last week, there have been stories on the survey in the Tulsa World and the Portland Press-Herald and the Detroit Free Press article was reprinted in the News-Democrat (Belleville, Ill.), the Reading Eagle (Penn.), Providence Journal, the Florida Ledger (Lakeland), the Chattanooga Times Free Press (Tenn.), the Centre Daily Times (Pa.), the Bradenton Herald (Fla.) and the Monterey County Herald. And there may be more press coming in Philadelphia and Atlanta.

In addition, President and Publisher Ed Case was recently interviewed for "Your Morning" on CN8, the Comcast Network, and "Busted Halo with Father Dave Dwyer" on Sirius Radio. We also got a nice shout-out from Miss Conduct in her column in the Boston Sunday Globe Magazine. (She called InterfaithFamily.com a "terrific site"--thanks, Miss C.!)

Responding to the Critics

As we had hoped, the authors of the 2005 Greater Boston Jewish Community Study responded to the op-ed by Steven Cohen, Jack Ukeles and Ron Miller questioning the findings of the Boston study. Their letter in today's Forward is short and sweet but makes an essential point: unlike the demographic studies of Ukeles and Miller, which ask about children's "identification," the Boston study asked only about children's religion--which is actually "a more stringent criterion for Jewish identification."

In the same issue, Bethamie Horowitz, research director for the Mandel Foundation, a Jewish foundation that trains leaders in the non-profit world, has an interesting piece charting the evolution of the sociology of intermarriage from the 1940s to today. Titled "Are We More Than Just a Category?", the piece not only looks at why intermarriage has increased (a familiar subject) but why intermarrieds today are open to making Jewish choices (a less familiar subject). Here's her explanation--and conclusion--on the second issue:

The second major change that makes intermarriage today very different is that the credit rating of Jews as a group in American society has radically improved in comparison to its valuation half a century ago. Many people with previously hidden or partial Jewish backgrounds are now open to, and even seek out, their Jewishness. They have become truly interested in Judaism, indicating that there is no longer a unidirectional pull away from Jewish life.

In this context, intermarriage does not in and of itself rule out a serious Jewish life; that depends on social climate as well as the individual’s and family’s commitments. It’s time to realize that intermarriage isn’t the major threat. Rather, it is indifference — viewing one’s heritage as simply a fact of one’s background, without a sense of its power or potential as a guiding force — that is the more fundamental problem. The irony of our hyper-focus on intermarriage is that it has kept us focused on the boundaries, and distracted us from the more important issues of meaning.

In other news, Julie Wiener is at it again, writing another terrific column, this one on balancing Christmas and Hanukkah, with a nice shout-out to our recent December Holidays Survey.

And another friend of IFF, Laurel Snyder, who compiled and edited Half/Life: Jewish-ish Tales from Interfaith Homes, has started another blog called faithhacker, on Jewcy.com. For those keeping score at home, that's her third website, alongside jewishyirishy.com (also a blog) and Killing the Buddha (a web mag).

Also, the Detroit Free Press article on interfaith families that quotes us was picked up by the Ft. Wayne News-Sentinel.

Assuming there isn't more news on the Boston study front, tomorrow I'm going to do a round-up of stories on the December dilemma from the secular press. (And it won't be the last one, I assure you...)

The Latest on Conservative Day Schools, and December Holidays Fun

The Solomon Schechter Day School Association made no decision on whether to change their admission policies to allow the children of non-Jewish mothers, according to Sue Fishkoff's update of last Thursday's JTA story. Instead, Fishkoff says, the association's board of directors "will continue the discussion" after the conference.

That's not surprising; these kinds of decisions often take a lot of time and a lot of controversy. But it was nice to see that Rabbi Jerome Epstein continues to argue for a more welcoming attitude in the movement:

Speaking to conference delegates Monday in Boca Raton, Epstein made an impassioned plea to Schechter school directors and rabbis to be more welcoming to children of non-Jewish mothers, suggesting that the system “make a special effort to enroll the children of intermarried Jews even if they are not halachically Jewish,” and then engage in concerted outreach efforts to encourage the children and their non-Jewish mother to convert “as part of their Jewish journey.”

Fishkoff's story also noted that some of the more conservative-leaning Conservative day school heads were uneasy with the discussion:

Reaction to Epstein’s suggestion drew mixed reviews at the conference.

Rabbi Scott Bolton, head of the Reuben Gittelman Hebrew Day School in New City, N.Y. — which admits only children who are halachically Jewish — was one of several rabbis who believed that such a change should not be made to Schechter admissions practice ahead of more wide-ranging infrastructure changes in the movement “to share our passion about becoming Jewish.”

Fishkoff also quoted an anonymous education expert outside of the Conservative movement, who predicted a "big backlash" if the schools change their admissions policy.

In other news, our December Holidays Survey has been getting some good press. The JTA did a brief on the survey, which has been reprinted in a handful of papers, and Beliefnet wrote about the survey in a brief titled "Report: No 'Chrismukkah' This Year" in its ongoing coverage of the so-called "War on Christmas."

Also, I recently spoke with Cassandra Spratling of the Detroit Free Press, who did a nice piece for the Sunday edition on interfaith families and celebrating the holidays.

What We Learned from Our Third Annual December Holidays Survey, Part II

Yesterday, we published an adapted version of our report on the Third Annual December Holidays Survey. Today, we are publishing the Conclusions section:

The great majority of interfaith couples raising their children as Jews plan on participating in celebrations of both Christmas and Hanukkah.

Some observers of intermarriage have cast a skeptical eye on this trend, arguing that interfaith families can’t raise their children as Jews and celebrate Christmas, but the results of this survey suggest that they can.

According to our survey, interfaith families raising Jewish children who participate in Christmas celebrations are doing a very good job of distinguishing between the holidays and are giving clear priority to Hanukkah over Christmas, as both a family celebration and a religious holiday.

While these families do not observe Hanukkah in a deeply religious way, their participation in Christmas celebrations is almost entirely secular. Very few of these families expect to tell the Christmas story or attend Christmas services at church.

In contrast, the vast majority of these families plan on celebrating Hanukkah by lighting the menorah, giving gifts and eating Hanukkah foods. There is also a surprisingly low level of participation in even non-religious Christmas activities at home like listening to Christmas music, eating Christmas food or hanging stockings. Barely one-half even plan on giving Christmas gifts at home. Less than half plan on having a Christmas tree.

Many of these families plan on participating in Christmas celebrations at the homes of friends and relatives and plan on giving and receiving gifts, but it should be noted that many single Jews and in-married Jews also participate in Christmas celebrations at the homes of friends.

Despite the high level of participation in some kind of Christmas activities at homes of friends or relatives, these families feel comfortable that celebrating Christmas won’t negatively impact their children’s Jewish identity. For most of them, participating in Christmas at the home of extended family is simply a matter of respect for the traditions of the non-Jewish family. This emphasis on respect is also indicated by the very small number of families who will tell their non-Jewish relatives not to give Christmas gifts to their children.

Among Jewish partners in interfaith relationships, there is a significant level of ambivalence over Christmas, which could be expected from people who are trying to reinforce their children’s Jewish identity. The children in these relationships, however, look forward to both Christmas and Hanukkah.

What We Learned from Our 2006 December Holidays Survey, Part I

What follows is the text--minus the tables--from our report on our 2006 December Holidays Survey, which specifically looked at the 342 respondents (out of a population of 759) who told us they were in an interfaith relationship, had children and were raising the children Jewish. Tomorrow we will post the Conclusions section of our report:

Almost all of the respondents expect to participate in Hanukkah celebrations and Christmas celebrations this year: 99 percent expect to participate in Hanukkah celebrations while 89 percent plan to participate in Christmas celebrations.

The great majority of these respondents plan on doing multiple activities relating to the celebration of Hanukkah in their own home. Ninety-nine percent plan to light the menorah and 63 percent plan on telling the Hanukkah story.

Significantly lower percentages of respondents plan to do Christmas-related activities in their own home. Just over a majority (51 percent) plan on giving gifts, while 44 percent plan to decorate a Christmas tree and only 5 percent plan on telling the Christmas story. In the homes of relatives or friends, significant majorities plan on giving gifts (77 percent) and eating Christmas foods (62 percent), although again, very few (6 percent) plan on telling the Christmas story:

In addition, only 18 percent of these families plan on attending religious services for Christmas this year.

Of the 289 respondents who answered the question, “If you are raising your children as Jews, will you tell your non-Jewish relatives not to give Christmas presents to your children?”, 261, or 90 percent, said they would not tell their non-Jewish relatives not to give Christmas presents. Most of the respondents offered explanations for their decision; a significant majority of the responses cited respect for non-Jewish relatives as the reason for their decision:

Because we are an interfaith family and my son is being taught that he is being raised Jewish because it was a decision made by his father and I to do so. But he knows what his mother believes in and is taught to respect her beliefs and traditions.

While they are being raised as Jews, the non-Jews are part of their family too. If I am going to teach my children respect for others and for others' views, I have to start with myself.

I want my children to learn about and respect other people's faiths. If non-Jews want to give them gifts to show their love, that's great.

Both family traditions are important and deserve to be honored.

A number of respondents also said they didn’t want to “make waves” or cause “turmoil”:

It is my husband's wish not to "cause waves."

Because it would hurt my parents' and grandmother's feelings.

It would be insulting to my relatives to tell them not to give the kids gifts.

Some in the Jewish community are concerned with religious “syncretism,” or blending of religious traditions. This year, 89 percent of the respondents who said they were participating in celebrations of both holidays said they would keep their holiday celebrations separate, while only 8 percent said they would be blended.

Following up on last year’s survey, we asked if respondents had heard about “Chrismukkah,” a holiday first mentioned on the Fox drama “The O.C.” that combines symbols and celebrations of Hanukkah and Christmas into one holiday. There was an increased awareness of Chrismukkah since last year. Of the 581 survey respondents in interfaith relationships, 71 percent said they had heard of Chrismukkah, as compared to 57 percent last year, and only 29 percent had not, compared to 43 percent last year. Of those who had heard of Chrismukkah, 68 percent said they thought that Chrismukkah is a bad idea, while 10 percent think it is a good idea.

Among respondents in interfaith relationships raising their children Jewish, even greater numbers thought Chrismukkah was a bad idea (75 percent) and fewer (5 percent) thought it was a good idea.

While most of the respondents who plan to celebrate Hanukkah expect to enjoy their celebrations this year (87 percent), a little more than half (56 percent) said they expect to enjoy their participation in Christmas celebrations.

However, when it comes to children, more than three-quarters (76 percent) expect their children to enjoy Christmas celebrations, while 91 percent expect their children to enjoy Hanukkah celebrations. This would suggest that children being raised Jewish in interfaith families enjoy both holidays, while their parents are much more ambivalent about Christmas.

For interfaith families raising Jewish children, a primary way to resolve potential conflicts over the December holidays is to participate in celebrations of both holidays but treat Hanukkah as a religious holiday and Christmas as a secular one. Only 23 percent of respondents who are celebrating Hanukkah reported that their Hanukkah celebrations would be more secular than religious. In contrast, 79 percent of respondents who are participating in Christmas celebrations said their Christmas celebrations would be more secular than religious, a point verified by the very low number of respondents who plan on telling the Christmas story either at their home (5 percent) or the home of relatives and friends (6 percent).

Despite the evidence of ambivalence over Christmas, three-quarters of respondents feel that participating in Christmas celebrations will not affect their children’s Jewish identity. Many of the respondents said they’re comfortable with the distinctions they’ve made between the holidays.

…to our children, Christmas is just a fun day that has nothing to do with Jesus. We celebrate Shabbat once a week, so I don't think one evening of opening Christmas gifts will undermine all of the other Jewish celebrations we have throughout the year.

Our children know they are Jews - you can participate in another culture’s celebrations without becoming their religion or taking their identity.

We approach Christmas as a secular tradition, not a religious observance. Christmas is like Halloween and Thanksgiving.

We don't think that participating in Christmas celebrations affects our children's Jewish identity because our kids celebrate being Jewish virtually every day.

However, some reported concerns over the impact of participating in Christmas celebrations on their children’s Jewish identity:

This is the major issue I am struggling over. [My children] are too young right now to ask questions.

My kids (9 & 6) are curious about Christmas religious celebrations. They usually ask to be able to go church on Christmas. I think the fact that they know their friends go to church on Christmas also plays a role in that.

It gives them a sort of dual consciousness, which I find a useful perspective in adulthood but may be difficult for a child to negotiate. My children attend a Jewish Day School where Christmas is never mentioned, so they catch on early that it's not the best place to talk about their Christmas tree or stocking stuffers. Ironically, there are quite a few families at our school who celebrate both holidays to some extent. Unfortunately, when parents talk about it together we do so in whispers rather than in open dialogue.

…it raises the question of why we celebrate a holiday that is not "ours," and in this way drives home the sense of being "other." At very young ages, as children are learning what is "Jewish" and "Christian," the sharing of traditions requires parent to educate our children, and to define our identity as Jews over and against Christian practices again and again.

A handful of respondents said that celebrating both holidays actually strengthens their children’s Jewish identity.

I think frankly it strengthens the Jewish identity … We teach our kids to honor and respect other people, which includes being interested in or at least supportive other others' differences. … In fact, they love showing their Christian cousins how to light a menorah, and what it means and commemorates.

The clarity with which you express your own feelings and the openness of the atmosphere that you create in your household is what really teaches. Allowing others to express their feelings and ideas/not preaching is what made her comfortable with Judaism.

If anything, our participation in Christian holidays has made our Jewish identity stronger. With two Christians and two Jews in our household, our celebrations make for perfect settings for discussion about Jewish vs. Christian traditions, etc.

Of the 155 Jews in interfaith families who report having a Christmas tree in the home, slightly less than half of the Jews in interfaith families feel comfortable with having a Christmas tree in their home (48 percent) while slightly more than a quarter (28 percent) feel uncomfortable with having a Christmas tree in their home.

Survivalism vs. Values, Take II

Following up on last week's post on Yossi Abramowitz's comments on how the Jewish community spends too much time on issues of exclusivity and survival, Irwin Kula did an interview with the South Florida Sun-Sentinel on a similar theme:

Like followers of most religions, Jews have largely neglected much of their own wisdom teachings, Kula says. For much of their history -- especially the last couple of generations -- Jews have majored on survival and identity issues: intermarriage, Israel, anti-Semitism, the Holocaust, the religious right.

"That's a death spiral," he says. "It's about preservation and exclusivity. Most Americans are asking different questions: How can I love, how can I be happier, what should I do with my life, how to deal with the death of a loved one, how to raise my kids with values.

"The wisdom traditions have a lot to offer for those questions. They won't help you become Christian or Jewish or Buddhist. But they'll help you become more human -- more self-aware and compassionate."

For interfaith families asking the question, "Why Jewish?" the typical answer--because the Jewish population is declining--is not personally compelling. But if you can answer Why Jewish? by explaining how Judaism answers questions like "How can I love? How can I be happier?" then you have a Judaism that speaks to people on an intimate, emotional level.

Publisher and President Ed Case was quoted in a recent story published by the Parent & Kids section of townonline.com (the website of Community Newspaper Company of Massachusetts) titled "Home for the holidays: A narrative on how some Massachusetts families are celebrating this year." Oddly, three of the four families discussed are Jewish, and two have an interfaith connection. One, Eric Lippman and Rena Mello, are raising their children Jewish even though Rena is a Catholic; the other, the Edelstein-Rosenbergs, are Jewish but have adopted two girls from China.

A more interesting article on the holidays comes from the Boston Globe magazine, titled "How to Survive the Holidays Without Angering Your Family, Annoying Your Friends, and Alienating Your Neighbors." Written by their advice columnist, Robin Abrahams, the article includes very sensible advice on, well, exactly what the title says. It can be of particular use to interfaith families who are figuring out how to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah. My favorite piece of advice? "Admit that the holidays aren't about good taste."

Survivalism vs. Values, Take II

Following up on last week's post on Yossi Abramowitz's comments on how the Jewish community spends too much time on issues of exclusivity and survival, Irwin Kula did an interview with the South Florida Sun-Sentinel on a similar theme:

Like followers of most religions, Jews have largely neglected much of their own wisdom teachings, Kula says. For much of their history -- especially the last couple of generations -- Jews have majored on survival and identity issues: intermarriage, Israel, anti-Semitism, the Holocaust, the religious right.

"That's a death spiral," he says. "It's about preservation and exclusivity. Most Americans are asking different questions: How can I love, how can I be happier, what should I do with my life, how to deal with the death of a loved one, how to raise my kids with values.

"The wisdom traditions have a lot to offer for those questions. They won't help you become Christian or Jewish or Buddhist. But they'll help you become more human -- more self-aware and compassionate."

For interfaith families asking the question, "Why Jewish?" the typical answer--because the Jewish population is declining--is not personally compelling. But if you can answer Why Jewish? by explaining how Judaism answers questions like "How can I love? How can I be happier?" then you have a Judaism that speaks to people on an intimate, emotional level.

Publisher and President Ed Case was quoted in a recent story published by the Parent & Kids section of townonline.com (the website of Community Newspaper Company of Massachusetts) titled "Home for the holidays: A narrative on how some Massachusetts families are celebrating this year." Oddly, three of the four families discussed are Jewish, and two have an interfaith connection. One, Eric Lippman and Rena Mello, are raising their children Jewish even though Rena is a Catholic; the other, the Edelstein-Rosenbergs, are Jewish but have adopted two girls from China.

A more interesting article on the holidays comes from the Boston Globe magazine, titled "How to Survive the Holidays Without Angering Your Family, Annoying Your Friends, and Alienating Your Neighbors." Written by their advice columnist, Robin Abrahams, the article includes very sensible advice on, well, exactly what the title says. It can be of particular use to interfaith families who are figuring out how to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah. My favorite piece of advice? "Admit that the holidays aren't about good taste."